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A SEQUENCE ON PROFANE LOVE (251-313) - ZaunköniG - 13.08.2007 A SEQUENCE ON PROFANE LOVE SONNETS 251-313 CCLI When with the courage lent me by thy smile, I laid my hands upon thy sacred form, Dared, passion-wild, thy scented mouth to warm With cleaving kisses, unrepelled the while; Was it thy patience or my venturous guile Shook virtue's outworks with a fiery storm, And made her guards the trembling ramparts swarm, To meet a foe who came in friendly style? I know not, Love; but since that trustful day I grow more careful of myself, less stained By worldly touch, as though that touch profaned. I am all thine, more like thee; if thou'lt say Those kisses brushed thy purest bloom away, Say also this, that what thou lost, I gained. CCLII I play the masquer to the world, I grant, I flash the spangles of my art before Its staring eyes; my witless jests I pour Into its ears with many a strut and vaunt. I would not have thee, for that reason, scant, In thy esteem, my virtue's little store, Nor deem me inly false, because I wore A cap and bells, and uttered empty cant. Alas! the burden of the face to me! Alas! the aching heart, that rose and fell Beneath my gauds, and shook my jester's bell! The lie I planned, for thy security, Lured men's mistrust from what 'twere mad to tell; Falsehood to them was very truth to thee. CCLIII Falsehood to thee would be the blackest crime My conscience frowns at; and 'twere falsehood sure To thee, whose soul I rate as heavenly pure, To risk my dove within the fowler's lime. Such love as ours is censured by the time As gross defcct, and cannot live secure Before a world whose justice will endure The harshest mockery of the marriage chime. With heart unsullied and with upturned brow, Beneath the mercy of our God we stand, Bound by a love whose strength disdains a vow. If man's decree be backed by God's command, I reason darkly; let us therefore bow-- O, not in fear--thus trustful, hand in hand. CCLIV Yes, true to thee, if false to all beside; That is my purpose, that the solemn creed Whose rule suffices for the present deed, And to the last shall be my trusted guide. I hope no serpent to our bower will glide, And with the law and us a discord breed; Or make me choose 'twixt truth and thee; or need, Through falsehood for thy safety to provide. But should it happen, lo, the perjury Knocks at my lips; and any truth, to dim Thy fame, must first subdue that hydra grim. Judged, doomed, and lost, I'd proudly turn with thee, To quit our Eden, nor unsmiling see, Behind, the flaming swords of seraphim. CCLV If it be sin, as rigid men aver, To love, as we have loved, above the law That sanctions living, there's a grievous flaw Within my soul that no remorse can stir. Nor, sworn to judge, can I impute to her That foul transgression which I never saw Purple her cheeks--those wandering thoughts which thaw, In their own heat, the senses prone to err. Virgin at heart, her soft-descending kiss Leaves on my brow a benediction light, That makes me purer to my inward sight. Each deed is sacrificial; ay, and this, Love's utmost favor and consummate bliss, Yielded by her, becomes a sacred rite. CCLVI Know you a soul so white and inly pure That sin itself, committed by her hand, Permitted by her brain, done by command Of every lust, could not her loss assure? Know you a soul whose nature could endure That earthy stain, yet as yon cygnet stand-- Now fluttering from the muddy pool to land-- Self-cleansed, a snowy star above the mure? With souls thus pure, the parents of our race Might have transgressed before their witless fall, Not knowing sin as sin, nor grace as grace. Search for this soul that sin cannot enthrall; Vain quest! then turn, and see her radiant face, Here, in my Love, if she can sin at all. CCLVII They at the altar pledge their formal vow, Then go, and straight forget that vow was made-- These common lovers, making marriage trade, Who often wed sore heart to moody brow. Not thus we married, for the temple now Bends o'er us both, in which is daily said Love's sacrament, and ever on thy head, Glistens the chaplet of the orange bough. Immortal bride, in every grateful prayer My heart renews our holy marriage tie, Vows at thy voice, thy touch, thy laugh, thy sigh; And Hope, white-favored, through the sunny air Points with a solemn smile to mansions fair, As Heaven's abode for love that cannot die. CCLVIII Sing of her beauty! Sing of that which grows My daily wonder! Shall this lute essay To paint the color of the changing ray That makes her eye my source of joys and woes? Or sculpture you a statue in repose, Lithe as her shape; or give it grace to play Her part in motion; or a voice to say In words, what I half hear and half suppose? Sing of her beauty! For that hair alone The saint would doff an aureole; and that skin Nude Venus envies, in the Parian stone. Lo! I have sung her beauty, and the tone Dies on the.string, as conscious of a sin; Yet not a feature have portrayed, I own. CCLIX O, I am apt of others' charms to sing. I had a mistress with a scarlet lip, Shaped by Love's bow, where wandering bees might sip, Nor know from pink or rose that odorous thing; Her eyes were heavens of blue, through which the wing Of Venus' silver dovelets flashed. To slip Her net of crowded tresses was to dip Wrist-deep in flossy gold, ring coiled on ring. Her nostrils fluttered at the slightest swell Of waking passion; and her cheeks would tell Her thoughts in blushes ere a word found place. Her rosy chin, the curve with which it fell Into her ivory neck, the airy grace That poised her head, made truth half miracle. CCLX The pearly vales that circled round her breast Were laced with azure veins; the roseate glow Of the twin buds, that crowned the rising snow, Looked in defiance from each haughty crest. Her slender waist, full hips, deep flanks, comprest At the round knees, swelled out again below The dimpled joint, into a leg whose flow In ankles fine and fairy feet had rest. Grace moved her figure; 'twas a treasured prize Of every sense to see her tread the ground; And patient wonder followed her around. She was a being such as might arise But in the light of Raphael's dreaming eyes, And to himself his boasted art confound. CCLXI She on the jealous gods' Olympian hill, Unrecognized as mortal, might have taken The nectar cup from Hebe's hand unshaken, And lent her voice to Pan's melodious trill. Her kiss was sweeter than the entering bill Which Jove gave Leda; and wild memories waken-- Frenzied, unearthly, which no tongue hath spaken-- How of her full embrace I took my fill. Men called her perfect; she was perfect, too, Within my youthful eyes, till sager proved, Another shape within their vision grew. For now I say, by no mere fancy moved, Sifting the false discreetly from the true, She was a gipsy to my own Beloved! CCLXII The love of this dear woman is so sweet To me, whose heart has been the spurn and cuff Of wantons, that I cannot thank enough My God and her, whose bounties in me meet. O sweeter now is love to me, whose rough And straitening locks the snows of winter beat, Than when my tresses felt the amorous heat Of breathing girls within them sigh and puff. Love's gratitude is more than mere return; Love's latest offering is his garnered store, Given by a hand that henceforth gives no more. Upon this shrine my life's whole treasures burn-- Past, present, future; when the flame is o'er, My ashen heap can sleep but in an urn. CCLXIII I will not have our holy love profaned By that untruth which slanders as impure The rites we keep, however far they lure The twain by whom the sacred cup is drained. Love is the faith; who swerves, should be arraigned; Even if the sin be done in lines secure Of legal contract, 'tis a crime as sure Against the law which nature's self ordained. But love once granted, all that follows thence-- The fervid kiss, the interlocked caress-- Is heavenly pure to love's most dainty sense. May not the temple's priest and priestess press The burning grapes of joy, without distress To gods whose promptings chartered the offense? CCLXIV Once as I slumbered, with my heart awake-- Love's lonely sentinel--my lady stood, Fair in the glory of her womanhood, Beside the bed made restless for her sake. Awhile she paused in pity, as to slake The burning eyes I plunged beneath her flood Of gold-brown hair, sole veil to flesh and blood That shone, like morn, through every rift and break. Slowly I traveled with my longing glance From budded bosom down to supple feet-- Delicious voyage, that lagged at each advance! What more delight might then have been my chance, Had not my heart a wild alarum beat-- Too faithful watcher, thus to end my trance! CCLXV The color of my lady's hair is brown; A hot, rich brown, shot through with fiery gold; That tint Etruscan artists chased of old Into a clasp for Lydia's fluttering gown. Dark in the shade, but blazing like a crown Of ruddy light, through locks and curls untold, When the sun strikes it and its manifold Great tresses almost to her knees sweep down. Sweet, sweet as amber is her hair to smell, When winds awake its fragrance from repose-- Balm to the senses and the heart as well. And I have lain where all that glory fell Across my face; have kissed it, felt it close My eyes in dreams I dare not try to tell. CCLXVI My darling's brow is classic, low and wide, A forehead Grecian Helen might have kissed, In envious homage that her own just missed Its perfect form--a brow I kiss in pride. Across her rosy temple's pulsing side, A thousand rosy veinlets branch and twist, As though her heart by deputy kept tryst With ghostly thoughts, half spirit, half descried. Under this snowy dome, in council grave, Meet the ideas that issue grace to me-- Long-suffering almoners of leniency! And here, for judgment on the faults I have, Countless as sands beside the roaring sea, Sits the great soul, to whom my soul is slave. CCLXVII Her eyes are of that pure and perfect grey Which Pallas flashed upon the men of Greece, While Hector shore their army as a fleece, And mad Achilles by his galleys lay. Deep-set and shy, they ever seem to play With inner fancies; and a heart, at peace With all creation, pulses its increase Of joyful love through every tender ray. These are the eyes whose planetary height Rules o'er the horoscope I never tire To cast myself, while fate foreruns delight; Dreading alone that by their gentle fire, My guilty self may be discerned aright, Condemned, and driven from all my soul's desire. CCLXVIII Heaven shaped her ear in fashioning the shell, A pearly circlet, lined with faintest pink; So dainty thin, the light of heaven may wink Through the fine curves of its translucent cell. A Delphic pilgrim at the mystic well, Resolved untimely of his fate to drink, Not more devoutly o'er the awful brink Poured prayers, than I to my sweet oracle. By night and day, one plenteous act of grace From my disposer for myself I claim-- No novel favor, nought of power or fame; But only this, to keep my present place, Unchanged and changeless in her breast; the same Dear smile of welcome in her pensive face. CCLXIX Her nose is not the rigid Phidian line, From tip straight upward to the low-grown hair, A line too perfect, too severe and rare For features modeled not to be divine. My love is mortal, and her brows' decline Hollows a concave at the eyes; and fair With rosy tints her nostrils; and the air Moves, as she breathes, their channels light and fine. Pleased with the balmy breath that glides below, Land-breeze or sea-breeze from an isle of spice, When times are calm, they gently fall and rise. But happy I have seen them pant and glow With stormy passion, vibrate to and fro, Sigh an appeal I never needed twice. CCLXX Her mouth, that scarlet herald of her heart, Pouts just a little, but enough to tell That nature's self, who knew her purpose well, Laid endless kisses on its topmost part. These moulded lips were never shaped to dart The serpent tongue of slander; never fell From their bright dews that blistering rain of hell, Which envy scatters through the lying mart. Free of all sin, their function is to guide, To sooth and lighten this confusing pain, Which I call life, when absent from her side. Yea, and incitements, when my spirits wane, Have they to offer; words of cheer and pride, Kisses like these, again and yet again! CCLXXI Her face is perfect oval, one long sweep From temple round to temple, taking in A line uncut of cheek and little chin, That dies beneath her hair in shadows deep. The Holy Mother of the Chair doth keep This wondrous line immortal, and to twin That sacred form, was jealous nature's sin, Heightening the charm to make her mimics weep. Thus nature slyly in my darling's face Outrivaled art; but so confused poor me, By giving her religion's fairest grace, That love and worship struggle endlessly, To claim my duty, while I strive to trace Whether Madonna or my Love I see. CCLXXII A marvel to me is my lady's hand; 'Tis not that plump, thick-palmed and dimpled thing With pointed ends and almond nails ye sing, Ye other poets, in your phrases grand. White, long and taper, pliant as a wand, The pulsing currents coursing through it sting Its nerves to action, rapid as the wing With which the nest-bound ringdove spurns the land. It feels in every fibre; almost talks, To help her tongue by any thought oppressed, Falling in balm upon the heart oppressed. This hand hath influence; it entreats, it balks, Directs, compels, or worships, as she walks, With palms thus folded on her gentle breast. CCLXXIII Her prudish foot, seen rarely as a nun, Is steep and narrow, flexible as steel, Touching her pathway but at toe and heel, Light, restless, eager at a hint to run. No Arab beauty in her native sun Tans such a foot; so joyous, quick to feel The dancing spirit which her eyes reveal; A thing she rather floats than treads upon. This foot is vassal to her changing mood; It lags with sorrow, twinkles o'er the green To keep our trysting, flies to deeds of good. What heavenly patience in its rest is seen! What haughty pride, when like an angry queen She sweeps, imperial in her womanhood! CCLXXIV Such of her beauties as the world may see, Whose eyes escort her eagerly around, Lackeying her way with homage too profound For jealous me, O world, I give to thee! But seek no more. If other charms there be Hidden from view; reflect, 'tis holy ground Your rashness treads; beware the goddess crowned, And angel-guarded, in her purity I would not tell the wonder of her breast, Its warmth, its perfume, nor the mystic dew Upon her mouth, nor give her limbs to view-- Those taper marvels, fawned on and caressed By robes they animate to grace confessed-- No, not to save another world like you! CCLXXV Thus gracious ever is my darling's mind; Forgiving not alone the guilt which dyes My features scarlet, when my history lies Spread out before her with its shames combined; But to my tedious talk her heart is kind-- That silly froth of sobs and prayers and sighs, Which makes me foolish to my proper eyes-- When I, love-foundered, grope in phrases blind. Small cheer her patience, in the end, can gain From all my prattling platitudes, no more; The same weak things repeated o'er and o'er. How many times "I love thee" served my pain For speech, is countless; yet those words again Each time she hears more kindly than before. CCLXXVI A golden circle for my lady's hand, Crowned with a ruby 'twixt the outspread wings Of that eternal globe which brooding swings Over the mystery or the eldest land. Such is the ring, and thus my fancy planned The fiery jewel, as a sign that brings The fountain whence my glowing passion springs Ever before her, when her eyes command. O winged globe, be present in her mind With the remembrance that the love we pledge Not upon earth contented rest can find. Soul-like, immortal, on the crumbling edge Of time it stands, its venturous plumes to fledge For flights as mystic as the viewless wind. CCLXXVII If any comfort lies within the zone Of ruddy gold that round thy finger clings; If from the ruby's steady radiance springs A deeper thought than e'er was graved in stone; If the far region, yet to be o'erflown By orbing faith upon her deathless wings, Makes grave thy heart, and gives to earthly things The holy import of a life unknown; Then not in vain the cunning artist wrought Into the substance of this precious toy The subtle meaning of my solemn thought; And not in vain 'mid days that would destroy All faith, thou standest, as a priestess caught In heavenly visions with a face of joy CCLXXVIII There blew a breeze across the flowers, that said, "Love is the sweetest thing which mortals know!" And so I launched my shallop in the glow Of scented morn that walked in gold and red. There came a gale that muttered overhead, "Love is an earnest thing!" I bent me low; My face was stinging with the driving snow; I knew not where my blinded vessel sped. There rose a storm that hissed into my ear Sobs out of heaven, and laughs of hellish mirth, That made my shrinking spirit quail with fear; While a sharp voice, that nowhere had its birth, But filled all space, screamed suddenly and clear; "Love is a wreck, like everything of earth!" CCLXXIX Again I touch thee, vexing instrument, My hard and rarely-mastered Tuscan lute! Though faulty poets of thy worth are mute, We well know why; thy claims o'ertax their skill. I pray thee, raise not up against my will Thy rigid code, whose laws severe confute Masters of mine; but bend my mind to suit Thy winding ways, with love to guide me still! For I would sing once more my lady's praise-- I so long silent, that a wonder grows In her dear eyes to mark my altered ways. Hark! Yonder blast predicts the winter snows, And passes sentence on her trembling rose; Renew with airy flowers her summer days! CCLXXX Ah, lute, how well I know each tone of thee, From shrillest treble unto solemn bass, The power of every fret, the time and place Where falls each finger tipped with melody! Full well I know the sounds that come and flee, The chords that swell, and part, and interlace, Lending the whole one long united grace-- That regnant rhythm of thorough harmony. Shell of my fancy, in my arms awake! Exchange thy torpor for the vivid smart Of sentient life! With joy and sorrow shake! Throb with a soul which of herself is part! Mimic her phrases! Feign, for pity's sake, That thou art she now nestling o'er my heart! CCLXXXI Hark! in that tone I heard my lady sigh, Sigh with the burden of some longing pain, Some dim half-thought, that will not come again; Less of a thought than of a feeling shy. And now she murmurs; ah! I know not, I, What thing she murmurs; why the lengthened strain Seems only to complain, and yet complain, Unless my absence grieved her widowed eye. Yes, yes, I love thee! If to answer this Awoke the challenge of that haughty string-- Love as a slave whose shackles are his bliss. What more? I listen.--Fie! thou fickle thing-- How the light treble with thy laugh doth ring, Rippling to silence in a fleeting kiss! CCLXXXII 'Tis not in hollow wood and tinkling wire To be the wonder I would have them be; Contrive my spells however cunningly, They fail supremely where they most aspire. I cannot warm me at a painted fire, Nor make my foolish lute seem like to thee, Save as a type of that sad history Whose ends are shapened by the Furies' ire. So has it been, so to the bitter end 'Twill be to us, whose fancies must invent, To guess from shadows what the substance meant; To live on shows and seemings, and to bend A slavish smile on ills that almost send Love to the cloister of the penitent. CCLXXXIII Fairest of all the fair ones I have seen, Fairest of all, in feature not alone, Nor form, nor grace, nor glance, nor voice's tone, Nor all that makes thee of fair women queen. Not one alone, nor all of these I mean, When I so proudly crown my very own, As peerless empress upon Nature's throne, Outranking all that are or e'er have been. It is the soul of her, the inner power, Round which her beauty crystallized and grew By its own law, that is her fairest dower. She, though she be of womankind the flower, Expresses yet a mystery hidden from view; To know whose secret I abide God's hour. CCLXXXIV Darling, I kiss thee from thy slender feet Up to the curls around thy tender brow; Each fervent kiss upon thee prints a vow, To love thee only while my heart can beat. No; longer, sweetest,; for if spirits meet In life eternal, and can feel, as now I feel thy presence, by the thrill and glow Within my soul, ere hands or lips may greet; Then surely I shall know thee, though thy face Shine like an angel's with mysterious bliss, As though God hid thee in his blinding grace. Yea, I shall know thee, if reward like this Leave where it falls a designating trace, And thus, again, reclaim thee with a kiss. CCLXXXV How shall I sing of thee, thyself who art A song of God's own making--perfect thought, Pearl-pure, unmatched, which the great poet wrought Into his epic, Nature yet apart? For should I mimic what I know by heart, Men would exclaim against me, as they ought, For one who forged thy loveliness, and sought To palm my counterfeit upon the mart. Let me be silent; let thy beauty sing, With the rapt look thy maker gave to thee, His praise and thine in wordless harmony. Thou poem compact, embodied, made a thing Glorious as dawn, or sunset, or the ring Of stars that circle o'er the tropic sea! CCLXXXVI I touched the limit of supremest bliss, Knew joy's whole secret on this golden day; When in my arms my panting darling lay, Daring my lips with lingering kiss on kiss. Brand it upon my heart! Let me not miss A single memory, not the faintest ray Of that which made divine my burning clay, And heaven a fancy to a world like this! Nay, day of glory, bury in the past Thy radiant head! lest in the coming night Thou sting my exiled soul with thoughts too bright! Or else, O wondrous vision, onward cast Thyself into the future's dreadful vast, And o'er and o'er renew today's delight. CCLXXXVII When distance severs us, and we become As parting voyagers of divided lives, In whom no common interest survives, A brief salute and long farewell our doom; I wonder, Sweet, if use will not consume Thy high ideal, and the life that thrives On trifles will not garner to its hives Even thy love, as bees make food from bloom. O, I beseech thee, save that sacred thing From earthly uses--from the huckstering rage That wires the lightning to the shilling's ring! Live by inspirings shut against this age Of peddled matter! Hear the angels sing! See God's own finger turn the ancient page! CCLXXXVIII O, I adjure thee, keep my words in mind, Thou fragrant lily, thou too tempting flower, Growing to grace in common sun and shower, Close by the wayside for the world to find. When I am absent, be thou deaf and blind To earth's allurements, to the fatal power Of greed and glitter, that usurps the hour, With empty thought and emptier faith combined. O be thy heart austere and chaste, a nun Haunting a solemn temple, far above All save the pure religion of thy love. So shall thy days as golden circles run In music to thy conscience; every move Nearing the triumph that will make us one. CCLXXXIX This was my lady's birthday, and yet I At dawn heard not the cannon's brazen throat, Nor saw the fluttering standards give the note Due to her feast, my heart's solemnity. Only the sun rose, and the fiery sky Throbbed with the lark; and yet no cressets float Their burning freight tonight; only her boat The moon is steering through the stars on high. Great Nature does thee reverence, Queen divine, And I, thy poet, by thy love made strong, Will do the rights that to thy state belong. Yea, when today's renowns no longer shine, Thy fame shall volley through this sounding line, And blaze a beacon in this quenchless song. CCXC O happy day! From morn till midnight tolled, I passed the hours beneath my lady's eye; And as the golden minutes fleeted by, Life gained proportions vast and manifold. Our souls became exalted; round us rolled Airs winged by angels, and the stooping sky Seemed more our home than this, where mortals lie Hope-cheated, death-cursed, to God's promise cold. As kindred souls, love-bound, just entering through The gates of heaven, from joy to joy we paced, Our timid wings unused, and interlaced. At length a tempest caught us, o'er us blew Flames and ecstatic instincts, and we flew, We two as one, and dashed on God full-faced. CCXCI Sweet is my lady's body; damask rose, Nor silver lily, nor pale asphodel, No burning myrrh, no real or fabled smell, Can match the scent that from her bosom blows. And like her sister flowers, the warmer grows The time of June or love, the clearer well Those airy doors, till the senses swell And pine with greed for that which they disclose. Yet sweeter still that soft and dewy gush Of misty fragrance, her ethereal breath, Whose taste would lull the weariest pang of death. Think of my favor! I who sometimes push Her leave to license; draining all she hath, In love's wild riot or in love's deep hush. CCXCII Beloved, thou cam 'st to me of late and said; "Stay with me, Dearest! Stay another day! Stay thou because I wish it. Prithee lay To heart my prayer, even as I lay thy head!" Duty, a phantom warrior, drew his blade, And sternly motioned doubtful me away. Thou saw'st thy foe, and turned the awful ray Of pleading eyes upon the hateful shade. What followed, think'st thou? Duty, like poor me, Dropped hastily his weapon, tried to bend His wits, as a time-server's, to thy end. He laughed, cringed, fawned, a very fool was he; His sword a whisking bauble. Well, and we?-- Ah! that was yesterday--you comprehend. CCXCIII As from his wrist the eager falconer Tosses his hawk upon the windy sky, So from my lips this kiss I toss on high, Through leagues of weary air to follow her. Mount to the zenith, instinct with the spur Of what I feel; and by thy love-led eye, Discern thy gentle quarry; hover nigh; Yet with no fears her virgin bosom stir. When sleep enfolds her, then thou too mayst lay Thy touch upon her. Let me tell thee where; Thou canst not err to kiss from foot to hair. But O, thou tender messenger, I pray, So wake her fancy that a dream may play About her heart to tell who sent thee there. CCXCIV What hast thou done, my Darling, these two days? Felt lost and lonesome, missed me from thy life? Scorned self-content, with thy own self at strife, Unable to incline to altered ways? Loathed thou thy very merits? Is the praise Men pay thy beauty, insult to thee, rife With bold offense, as when a startled wife Hears first the suit a daring stranger pays? Oh thirst'st thou for our kisses? Are thy lips Burning rose-red with greed to give and steal Our long-day bliss, that not a moment skips? Aches all thy body for me? Would'st thou seal Love with libation till his altar drips? Ah, then, in part, thou feelest what I feel. CCXCV My own Beloved, wilt thou prove true indeed, Throughout the trials of the coming years, Through dying hopes, mischances, shocks and fears, To the requirements of love's simple creed? Shall the mere sowing of this little seed, Bear that bright flower whose virtue overpeers, In tint and fragrance, all the bloom that cheers Life's dusty garden--faith, truth's crown and meed? O, I beseech thee, bear in thy pure hand That lily spotless, whatsoe'er may be Allotted us to vanquish or withstand! Bear it unbroken to the gloomy sea By death's dark pinions overspread and fanned, For thy own sake, Beloved, if not for me! CCXCVI I love thee, love thee! Let these words atone For all the others--for my jealous rage, My hot and hasty temper, and assuage The wounds I make, which make myself to groan. Alas! I share the mortal heritage Whose doom enslaves us; betwixt curse and moan, I beat my wings against a wall of stone, Like to a wild thing in the fowler's cage. And thou, dear heart, art hurt and half dismayed By what I utter and by what I do, Striking at random, blows which pierce thee too. But though a demon hath my soul betrayed And blind with fury, doth my course pursue, I love thee, love thee! O, be not afraid! CCXCVII O say thou lovest me; say it o'er again; Ring all the changes on that blissful phrase; Say it with lip, mouth, tongue; in all the ways That utterance hath, in peace, in joy, in pain! Say it in silence, when thy soft eyes rain Welcome upon me; when before my praise, Like a young lily, slowly downward sways Thy gleaming face, afire through every vein. Say it with clasping hand, with tears that pour At hint of parting; with the widowed air My briefest absence makes thy features wear. O say thou lovest me; say it o'er and o'er; Let word, look, act, the gracious tidings bear; Now say thou lovest me, my Beloved, once more! CCXCVIII Tonight I saw my darling, bathed in light, Sit as she slowly combed her splendid hair Into one tress, through which the piercing glare Shot dusky gold against surrounding night. Her upturned brow was pearl-like, and that pair Of glorious eyes, which rule me as by right, Half closed beneath their lids, shone faintly bright, Like dawn's first streak along the eastern air. Her cheek was pale, I fancied;--ah! but why? Had act of mine thus turned the rose to grey, Blanched the fair brow, and closed the weary eye? Oh! God, I knew not; but upon me lay At once, like Cain's, His curse; and with a cry, Bitter as guilt's, I fled in tears away. CCXCIX My darling, O my darling, let me gaze My whole heart's fill into thy splendid eyes; Till from their depths the secret may arise Which privily of me thy spirit says. What thinkst thou of me in our severed ways, When others greet thee, and no longer lies Thy heart beneath my influence, which dies Perchance, when thine my heart no longer sways? How art thou then, Beloved? Dost thou pine With the same sorrow that makes life to me Shrink into naught at the mere thought of thee? Poor is the feast, and tasteless is the wine, And pleasure's show a weary mockery, If to itself thy love resembles mine. CCC Darling, to say I love thee, is to say What I have often said, with careless arm Round Chloe's waist, in breath no wit too warm For the hot ear that close against me lay. Not thus I love thee, as a beast of prey That slakes his craving, whether weal or harm Betide his minion; then, with every charm Sated and spent, turns wearily away. That which thou givest, seems ever to invite To pleasures new, and fresh, and manifold, That recreate a youth in senses old. So that love's dizziest and extremest flight Draws me but nearer, strengthens passion's might, Grows with its outlay, like the usurer's gold. CCCI Mere love, the common commerce of the earth, Is little in its uses; scarcely won, Ere o'ercloyed taste is sickened and undone By what it craved for at its eager birth. So the gorged infant turns in heedless mirth, Back from the bosom it has fed upon, And plays with motes which flicker in the sun, Scorning the breast that filled its selfish dearth. Thus may the fawning heifer of the grove Her horned lord an equal love impart, Nor more degrade the majesty of love. Ah! in a mummery of wretched art, Of rites obscene, we erring mortals move, And make a pagan of the blinded heart. CCCII My lady's birthday rises golden fair, And I arise to see the lord of light Beaconing the land from every flaming height, And hanging blazoned banners on the air. Meet homage to her beauty! Everywhere The world is blazing; sky, earth, water, bright With celebration of the general rite, Their due observance in the pageant bear. I am a poet; far too poor to will, As sovereigns might, a festival for thee, Whose sights my subjects' wondering eyes should fill. Poor as I am, yet mark my realm, and see What pomps I spread for thee o'er plain and hill-- I who, through God, all nature hold in fee! CCCIII I bend and kiss thee; 'tis a little thing; Thousands have passed between us; and, God grant, That nectarous sip our lips may never want; Slight in itself, yet so much witnessing! This is the birthday present which I bring-- Poor beggared I!--while other men may flaunt Their gifts before me, openly may vaunt Their love in flashing gem and golden ring. Alas! the only gift I dare to make, Or thou darest take, is in that little kiss, Oh! secret love, so dread is slander's hiss! And yet, bethink thee, for our dear love's sake, The wealth of meaning gathered into this, This kiss, which I bestow, and thou dost take! CCCIV Thy birthday opened with artillery;-- The flash and thunder of the breaking wave, At early dawn, a greeting salvo gave, While roared the outer crowded, jostling sea. Glad heaven displayed its sunrise pageantry, Each cloud the other trying to outbrave, Till Phoebus through them drove his fiery nave, In golden tnumph--all to honor thee! O sea, we love thee! By thy moonlit side, Mingling my halting whisper with thy tone, I spoke the words that made her heart my own; And ever since, the murmuring of thy tide, Uplifting to the moon its silver zone, Brings back the night whose memory is our pride. CCCV In lingering winter was my darling born, To make amends by Nature for her dearth And cutting winds, that over buried earth, Blew darkness in the face of surly morn. Then stole she gently on a world forlorn, Like summer straying with her light and mirth, Her balmy breath, her bright and fragrant birth Of flowers, into a valley tempest-torn. Yea, and to me, who like the blackened land, Lay cold and still, her blessed presence came, When I had deemed my life a burnt-out brand; When sense and heart were quenched, and God's own flame Died in my soul, she took my hopeless hand, And led me forward in Love's holy name. CCCVI Thy birthday ends a year of grief and pain, Of hope deferred, that maketh sick the heart, Of dreary days, but marked by pain and smart, Haunting the bed whereon thy form has lain. And I, poor watcher of thy anguish--fain, If prayer were answered, to endure thy part-- Stood helpless by, betwixt thee and Death's dart, Pouring my supplicating tears like rain. Dark days were those, my darling; but I knew, Even while I trembled, that the mighty law Of love, Christ-founded, was without a flaw; That high within the calm, immortal blue, The God-born Lover through His glory saw Our faithful hearts, and to his pledge was true. CCCVII These blows of fate that shake our troubled life, This long, long sorrow o'er our parted fate, Like foes assailing us with armed hate, But drive us closer, to resist the strife. The briefer joys, that make a moment rife With dreams ecstatic of the blissful state Which might be ours, if hand with hand could mate, Lure us to murmur faintly, "Husband!"--"Wife!" I thank thee, Heaven, that not by night nor day, In calm nor storm, in happiness nor woe, Can earthly chance our wakeful love betray! Serene and strong, he wends his homeward way, Through life and death, to where the splendors glow Which he, God's herald, promised to our clay. CCCVIII Love sat at ease upon Time's bony knee; Pulled his grey beard; paddled his finger-tips Among his wrinkles; smote his bloodIess lips; With rosy palms, forbade his eyes to see; O'erturned his fatal hour-glass; wantonly Pulled his scythe-edge against that dart which rips The heart of adamant; cast gibes and quips Straight in his teeth, out-mocking mockery. What said the phantom? Nought; he only smiled To be thus toyed with; held his wasting breath, Lest he might do some damage to the child; Till Love, grown weary of that pastime, saith, "This is too tame; my heart with joy is wild; Come, Father, come! Let us go play with Death!" CCCIX The years repeat themselves; and now, once more, The day that gave my darling birth is here; How swift, alas! in what a mad career The rushing sands of happy days outpour! Stay, Time, a little! Let not life be o'er Ere we can taste its fulness--life so dear, So sweet to both!--from whom thou'st stolen a year, Who grudged thee every moment of thy score. Let this console us; though we plead in vain To stolid Time, that as his days go by, Love draws us closer, makes more clear our sky; Assures a future so secure and plain, That our exulting hearts, as one, may cry, Time, do thy worst! thy loss has been our gain. CCCX I mark not seasons by the calendar; My lady's birthdays measure time to me; In spite of Julius or of Gregory, My year begins and ends itself in her. Surely in this my reckoning cannot err; Nature's new year the opening spring must be; For so says every herb and flower and tree That breaks from slumber, and begins to stir. So said my lady, when her wondrous birth Forestalled the springtime by her sovereign grace, And bloomed a rose in winter's hoary face. Since then I hold no calendar of worth Save Love's; too long Emperor's and Pope's had place Among the other errors of our earth. CCCXI Like to a flock of birds, the flying days Whirr in my ears, and leave no trace behind, More than the swallow's through the cloven wind, That shows not whence nor where her course she lays. Between two mysteries, the narrow ways, In which our fleeting moments are confined, Lie through a night no vision can unbind, No foot retrace, nor know to what it strays. O God of love, I feel so weak and lone Between these gulfs of darkness; reach thy hand, And strike a fire within this heart of stone! Give me an inner light that, like a brand, May burn before me! Let thy dread command Make plain the future; for the past is gone! CCCXII Another year has passed us, while the earth Grew green and grey again beneath our eyes, And now once more, the snowy mantle lies Across her breast, to celebrate thy birth. Dearest, with solemn joy, not noisy mirth, I hail again thy natal sun arise, And my thanksgiving to the generous skies, I wing upon this song of little worth. God's one great blessing to my weary lot! Ah, what had been this train of sombre days-- This sorry remnant of a dying blaze-- Had gracious Heaven, by any chance, forgot To make this day my day of boundless praise, If I were here alone, and thou wert not? CCCXIII By thy own truth, Beloved, I am true! I swear by that in which I most believe; Explore thy heart; if there thou canst perceive A taint of weakness, that far charge me too. I knew at starting--ah! too well I knew, And trembled at the knowledge--on that eve When my first kisses made thy bosom heave, That staid reflection might thy faith undo. I must admit, it seems a strange abuse That one like me is privileged to bear Love's sacred essence with thee, share for share. Olympian nectar, in a peasant's cruse, Would make clay holy by its holy use, A common stock with sculptured gold compare. |